Realizations...

Three weeks of working fulltime and I finally have a moment to write about it! To be honest, I've put off writing this as I haven't entirely been sure how I feel - and I'm a little nervous to share my thoughts.

So, my confession for today is...I like working! My first weeks on the job have struck me with some interesting realizations that I hadn't expected. There were the obvious feelings of missing the kids, and the brain exhaustion - but also an unexpected sense of joy! Unfortunately, with the joy, came an overwhelming sense of guilt; of having to leave my kids, yes, but also just the guilt of enjoying being away! I know it sounds crazy but I guess I was just torn between the two sides of who I am: the mom and the woman. I hope this sounds familiar to some of you who, like me, are just desperately trying to strike a balance between career/family/and all the other million things vying for real estate in your life. So many times after hearing about my 'former job', new co-workers would innocently offer a comment such as "Wow, a 9 month old, you're back to work early!" or simply "You must miss your kids" and I'd be sent reeling with doubt and sure that they must be judging me as a terrible mom.

So, three weeks in and while I can say I am loving my new life, it hasn't been without its challenges. I've been averaging about 2 emotional meltdowns/week. There is a mountain of laundry waiting for my attention. It's been 2 weeks since our last major grocery shop so dinners are becoming a challenge in culinary creativity. And I have now, on several occasions been referred to as "Dad errrr Mom" and "Grand...mom". Overall though, everyone is surviving. Isabelle has accepted a sippy cup filled with expressed milk (haha...that's a whole other post) and has learned to be ready for some mommy time promptly at 5:35. Aneisa and Kash are adjusting well and thriving with their newfound 'daddy-time'. My mother-in-law has been amazing at picking up the slack with childcare, housework - and even meal prep. And Mighty Dad is showing his Mighty colours! He has stepped up and filled in the gaps beyond my expectations. I see the wear in his eyes from time to time but he never fails to shake it off in time to hold me together when I start to unravel. This whole experience has actually given both of us a renewed appreciation for each others role in our family.

So, while I have enjoyed the work part of these past weeks, I am looking forward to the upcoming decrease in hours once my training period is over. The balance will again shift - allowing me to feel a part of life at home again...and maybe the kids will remember my name again!